Ever Eddy 1x01 - Blue Berries! NEW (potential) SERIES!

Edwina Collins is here and she's ready! Boy is she ever ready! Click on to read the whole thing and see what the newest addition to the X-script line up has to offer!

It’s five in the morning, and Edwina is dreaming of blueberries.

Six in the morning

The Local Library

A nervous looking young man named Gary is standing out the back staring at the staff only door

He straightens up his jacket for the tenth time

Suddenly the door flies open and two arms reach out and grab Gary by his collar, dragging him in to the building

The two arms belong to Miranda, a red haired woman in a suit, and right now she’s looking really frustrated

Miranda: Gary, I presume

Gary: yes!

Miranda: welcome. You’re our new library monkey

Gary: I thought the job was called librarian assistant

Miranda: same thing. No one’s going to choose to become something called a “library monkey”. And now we’re walking

Miranda walks off quickly with Gary in tow

Gary: so I have some forms…?

Miranda: FORMS?! YOU HAVE FORMS?! No. No. No. I HAVE FORMS. I have forms coming out of my arse and they are not going to sign themselves

Gary: um…I can help out with them

Miranda: you’re a library monkey. You most certainly cannot!

Gary: oh

Miranda: only one person is allowed to officially sign them and that is head librarian, Edwina who is never here on time, never paying attention and never there when you need her!

Gary: a bit of a slacker, eh?

Miranda: don’t you DARE talk about your new boss like that! You are a library monkey and she is the member of the team who has been here the longest and she is possibly my oldest friend!

Gary: okay…well…if you need her…why don’t you call her?

Miranda gives Gary a dry look

Miranda: there’s something you need to know about Eddy…and her…quirks…

Gary: what?

Miranda: what was that?

Gary: what?

Miranda: the cynical “what” that just came out of your mouth. You don’t believe she has quirks?

Gary: I do!

Miranda: you want to see what happens when I call her?

Miranda pulls out her phone, dials Eddy’s number and puts it on speaker phone

Eddy: I DON’T HAVE BLUEBERRIES!

Miranda: I DON’T CARE! We have a book signing today amongst the rest of the absurd crap we have to get done TODAY!

Eddy: I don’t think you understand! I. Have. No. Blueberries.

Miranda: no I don’t think you understand! I. Have. No. Head. LIBRARIAN!

Eddy: Miranda…you know how this works

Miranda: no…I know how you THINK it works. But I’m sure that it does not!

Eddy: how can you be a skeptic?

Miranda: so easily

Eddy: step one – I go to sleep

Miranda: oh lord…not this again

Eddy: step two – I have a dream

Miranda: stop it

Eddy: step three – in the dream there is always a specific item

Miranda: UGH!

Eddy: step four – I wake up, find the item and put it in my bag

Miranda and Eddy: (in unison) and step five – sometime throughout the day that item saves our lives

Miranda: GET TO WORK NOW!

Eddy: blueberries! I dreamt about blueberries last night!

Miranda: that doesn’t mean anything!

Eddy: what about the time I packed dog biscuits and despite neither of us having a dog?

Miranda: coincidence!

Eddy: that dog attacked us and we used the dog biscuits to escape that crazy dog when it attacked us!

Miranda: the dog attacked us BECAUSE of the biscuits!

Eddy: that bottle of bleach we used to clean up the vomit the kid left in the foyer?

Miranda: he threw up because he smelt the cheap chemicals!

Eddy: the cigarette lighter!

Miranda: nothing happened. You didn’t take it

Eddy: exactly! And when those two men asked us for a light we couldn’t help them!

Miranda: so?

Eddy: so? They were male models! They could have given us their numbers and we could have dated male models!

Miranda: that is bull

Eddy: page four in today’s paper!

Miranda rolls her eyes while opening today’s paper

Miranda mouths the words “so damn hot” as she looks at the two models

Miranda: GET TO WORK!

Eddy: need to find blueberries first

Eddy hangs up

Miranda: ARGH!

Gary: um…

Miranda: what?

Gary: I know a fruit stand nearby. I could get her some blueberries

Miranda: yeah…but it will still take her an hour to get here by train

Gary: I could pick her up on my motorbike

Pause

Miranda: marry me, Gordon

Gary: my name is Gary

Miranda: moment is over! Go get her!

Gary: uh…okay…

Miranda: NOW!

Miranda hands Gary a piece of paper with Eddy’s address and he runs out

Gary pulls up to a fruit stand attended by an attractive young woman

Woman: wow

Gary: you like the bike?

Woman: I’m amazed you stopped. I see you pass by every morning

Gary: oh…uh…sorry

Woman: why are you apologizing?

Gary: I have no idea

Woman: what can I do for you stranger?

Gary: blueberries

Woman: what would you say if I said I had only one punnet remaining

Gary: I would say “woohoo”, “thank you” and “I love you”, not necessarily in that order

Woman: I was kind of saving them…so…you owe me

Gary: damn right I do!

The woman writes a number on a card and puts it in a plastic bag with the blueberries

Woman: my name is Catherine

Gary: my name’s Gary. Nice to meet you

Catherine: see you around?

Gary: count on it

Eddy’s apartment building

Gary pulls up, and rushes up the stairs

He knocks on Eddy’s door

Eddy opens it

Eddy: uh…

Gary: hi

Eddy: are those blueberries

Gary: yes they are…my face is up here

Eddy: hi! I’m Edwina Collins!

Gary: I’m Gary. Your new employee

Eddy: amazing first impression. I’m sure you’ll last longer than my last library monkey

Gary laughs nervously

Eddy and Gary rush in to the library

Miranda: Gary…I want to bear your children

Gary: um…okay…

Miranda: don’t get ideas…I’m just happy you got Eddy here…and it’s been so long since I was with a man that I would pretty much bear anyone’s children

Gary: oh

Eddy: so today we’ve got a writer coming in to sign books

Gary: who?

Miranda: Jon Skylark – he writes some comic book called “Gloveman”

Gary: cool. Is he here yet?

Miranda: he was supposed to be but…!

Jon Skylark walks in

Jon: sorry I’m late! Hope I didn’t keep you waiting!

Eddy: not at all!

Miranda glares at Eddy

Eddy offers Jon a blueberry

Jon: um…no thanks

Eddy: rats

Miranda: come this way to the table we’ve set up for you

Miranda leads Jon away

Gary: (to Eddy) you really believe you see the future?

Eddy: no…but this hasn’t steered my wrong yet and I don’t like to mess with things I don’t understand

Gary: what’s the weirdest item you had to pack?

Eddy: a broadsword

Gary: what?

Eddy: come on! We need to set up!

Eddy walks off

Gary: man I want to hear that story…

A line forms for the signing

Eddy is offering blueberries to everyone

No one is accepting

Most people think that it’s weird

That’s why Miranda drags Eddy away

Miranda: you are creeping people out

Eddy: only a bit

Miranda: I can’t believe you’re the boss sometimes…did you even fill out the paper work?

Eddy: as much as I could

Miranda: what’s that mean?

Eddy: it means all our pens are out of ink

Miranda: because you didn’t fill out the order for new stationary

Eddy: ugh…how is this going to get worse?

A fan steps forward to get their comics signed

Jon: who do I make it out to?

Fan: you don’t remember me?

Jon: uh…

Fan: we met at a comic convention

Jon: I have been to lots of conventions…

Fan: six years ago! Remember?

Jon:  Um…

Fan: I said “hey I loved you work on Gloveman: Year One” and you said “cool, thanks man”

Jon: oh…okay…

Pause while Jon signs

Fan: can I touch your face?

Jon: pardon?

Fan: can I touch your face?

Jon: uh…no…

Gary: okay buddy…maybe you should move

Fan: back off “buddy”! This is between me and this genius of a writer

Jon: I don’t feel comfortable with you touching my face

Fan: oh…okay

Awkward pause

The fan leaps across the table and grabs Jon

Fan: EVERYONE BACK OFF! NONE OF YOU DESERVE TO BE IN HIS PRESENCE!

Tense silence

Eddy: um…blueberry anyone?

Fan: I SAID. BACK. OFF!

Gary leaps over, pulls Jon away from the fan and punches the fan in the face

The fan falls to the ground

Gary lifts the fan up by the collar and raises his fist

Miranda: whoa…

Gary calms himself, counts down from five under his breath and then lets the fan go

Gary: get out of here

The fan scampers away

Miranda: (to Eddy) I don’t know about you…but I like him

Eddy: agreed

Later

Jon: thanks again, Gary

Gary: not a problem

Jon leaves

Gary: is every day like this?

Miranda: every day is weird

Gary: so…um…no use for the blueberries

Miranda: YES! VICTORY! Maybe you’ll be on time for work tomorrow!

Eddy: the day isn’t over

Gary: well…for me it is so I’m off

Miranda: good work today, Gary

Gary: oh! Before I do go…can you sign this form?

Eddy: sure

Gary hands Eddy a form

Miranda: does that say Community Service?

Gary: yeah…I need to show it to the officer in charge of my case to show I’m completing my hours

Awkward pause as Miranda and Eddy glance at each other

Gary: uh…you…you knew this before hand, right?

Pause

Miranda: of course!

Eddy: yeah! I have all your paper work!

Gary: great! So…can you just sign me off?

Miranda: um…no pens, remember?

Gary: uh…I kind of need this done, so…

Eddy: I’ve got it!

Eddy rushes off to the kitchenette and comes back with an empty pen, a cup and some paper

Eddy pulps the blueberries in the cup then dips the pen in to the juices to write on the paper

Eddy: see! Pass me the form!

Gary passes Eddy the form

Eddy signs

Eddy: tada!

Gary: well I’m convinced

Miranda: not another one

Gary: well thanks guys. I’ll see you tomorrow

Gary leaves

Eddy: what do you think he did?

Miranda: I don’t know…but did you see him handling that insane fan?

Eddy: yeah

Miranda: what if he’s a violent psychopath?

Eddy: I don’t think violent psychopaths get off with community service…

Miranda: didn’t you get sent his paper work?

Eddy and Miranda walk in to Eddy’s office where there are piles and piles of paper work

Eddy: our answer is somewhere in there…

Miranda: there’s a lot of sorting to do…

Eddy: yep…

They grab their things ready to go home

Miranda: you actually believe you were right about the blueberries…

Eddy: ye of little faith

Miranda: okay…psychic…why did you dream about blueberries and not just a pen?

Eddy: if we had another pen, I would have just used it up earlier with more forms. Maybe there were forms that weren’t supposed to be sent today…maybe a reason neither of us will ever know

Gary pulls up to the fruit stand where Catherine is packing up

Gary: hey! You got plans?

End

So now you’ve read it! Let me know what you think!